Here is all the circumstantial evidence.
This is an unfounded and maybe even irresponsible theory based on naught but the most cursory examination of circumstantial evidence, but hear me out: I think Donald Trump may have Irritable Bowel Syndrome. According to the Mayo Clinic, Irritable Bowel Syndrome (or IBS, for short) is a chronic condition that affects the large intestine and “commonly causes cramping, abdominal pain, bloating, gas, diarrhea and constipation.” There is no hard evidence to support this claim, and it is likely there won’t ever be. Medical records are private, even for the president. Plus, the man is a narcissist, one not inclined to ever admit to having to grapple with a potentially debilitating condition.
Again, this is unfounded and in all likelihood incorrect. But consider the evidence:
His diet is terrible.
He has travel anxiety.
There are many, many reasons for everyone involved in the president’s first trip abroad to be worried, but one of the strangest ones is the fact that Trump himself doesn’t really seem to want to do it. Trump is reportedly worked up about visiting countries in which he doesn’t own property he can retreat to, and seems to be dreading the unfamiliar environs.
He probably doesn’t even know whether or not people take shits in countries he’s never been to.
He’s always got an escape route.
Granted, as president, Trump’s safety is one of our government’s highest priorities, which means he’ll always be in a protective bubble during his term. But even before that, Trump made a point of never straying far from properties he owns: His hotels, resorts, golf courses, and private jets. Throughout his campaign, Trump made a point of always making people come to him whenever possible—probably a dumb power play, but also probably a stealth technique for never straying far from a familiar bowl. That whole thing where he held rallies with his plane behind him, on the tarmac? Maybe it wasn’t just an ego thing, but a way to keep his very own john near at all times.
There’s also the news that Trump canceled a scheduled visit to the historic site of Masada after he learned he couldn’t land his helicopter on it. There’s a cable car that can be taken up to the site, but Trump reportedly refused to take it. It’s a move that comes across petty as hell, but kind of makes sense if you’re a guy constantly looking for a shitter and loathe to be in a situation where you can’t be whisked away to one at a moment’s notice.
Wealth can allow you to get away with a lot, but for a someone like Trump, who rose to power in spite of a long history of publicly known indiscretions and bad behavior, it mostly means you never have to learn any sort of discipline. The story of Trump in the White House is one of a man accustomed to a world that catered to him, and frustrated to find that there are times where it does not. Having money doesn’t make anyone’s gut start to go haywire—although losing a lot of it, like Trump has, certainly can—but it does mean you can accommodate something like bowel irregularity without much trouble, and any strange behaviors of yours are written off as the eccentricities of being a rich asshole.
Look, IBS can be a terrible thing to live with, and no one should be made fun of for having it. We’re not making fun of the president here—on the contrary, knowing that POTUS suffers from IBS can (a) redeem a few of his shittier behavioral tics, and (b) serve as a really inspirational story about how you can’t let your gut bring you down. It’s not like we’re suggesting that the president can’t read or anything.
What’s Happening in Trump’s Head?
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